Last Few Movies LV: Mad Phil

First off, shout out to my girls: Mubi, Tubi, and Criterion. Y’all never stop delivering.

28. A British reality show where a random group of ladies have to survive a night in a mansion full of dinosaurs? That’s a schlocky enough premise that it should just be marvelously stupid fun. Alas, Dinosaur Hotel (2021) is just boring at best and cringingly irritating at worst.

27. The CGI in Dinosaur Hotel got me down, so I opted for an old fashioned Italian B-movie creature-feature with practical puppet effects. The crocodile itself in Killer Crocodile 2 (1990) is pretty fake looking but kind of neat all the same. The movie is slow, and while not it’s not very interesting or well shot, there is a scene where a couple of canoes full of kids and nuns gets attacked.

26. For the first 10 minutes or so, we thought Vicious Lips (1986) was going to be the spaced out Rocky Horror Picture Show style rock opera camp extravaganza we were hoping for. It quickly devolves into the movie just sort of killing time to reach the feature-length target time. It has some truly epic hair, but the real crime is that there weren’t more songs. A lot of tedium could have been forgiven had they actually made a musical out of this.

25. Without the presence of the unabashedly flamboyant Dennis Rodman, Double Team (1997) would just be another forgettable Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. It’s pretty dumb, but there are a few good action scenes and I’m pretty sure this is the only finale (SPOILER) that blows up Mickey Rourke as he’s being attacked by a tiger.

24. Sybil Danning sports one of the tackiest pieces of clothing ever made in Fred Olen Ray’s The Phantom Empire (1988). Some dopes go into the Adam West bat-cave and stumble upon a secret world that has mutants, dinosaurs, and scantily clad cavegirls. Why does Russ Tamblyn always get special billing in everything?

23. We watched Venom (1981) because it had Oliver Reed and Klaus Kinski – two famously massive egos with a penchant for alcoholism and violent tantrums respectively. Alas, the movie is a bit miscast and silly and ends up just being a boring hostage story but with the inexplicable inclusion of a highly venomous black mamba on the loose in the house. It’s less Snakes On a Plane and more *bong rip* what-if-Dog-Day-Afternoon-had-a-snake-in-it? Sterling Hayden is looking a bit grizzled, but clear-voiced Nicol Williamson provides a bit of a dramatic center as the police chief in the second half. Poor Susan George gets a pretty gnarly death scene.

22. Jordan Peele’s work will forever be compared to Get Out. Us (2019) boasts some nice cinematography and a stellar performance from Lupita Nyong’o as a woman returning with her new family to a location that has haunted her for years. It’s got a weird sci-fi twist and a lot of muddled metaphor and the movie spends way too much time providing lengthy expository monologues that attempt to explain and lend coherence to the mechanics of how the twists and reveals actually work… which end up leaving more questions, bogging the whole plot down with being too literal. It’s not scary, but it is confusing. There are few cool ideas that I wish the story had focused on a bit more. The muddled metaphor also feels a little lost in the movie’s need to explain everything to death.

21. An immortal witch with bleached hair walks around and collects victims for her weird rituals in Necropolis (1986). It’s ridiculous, but kind of awesome. The production value is low, but my brain would not have accepted the higher budgeted version of this.

20. I miss movies that get so specific about a town and a line of work the audience might be unfamiliar with that you start to find the characters in rooms and spaces you absolutely cannot identify, but you know it’s not set dressing; it’s just a place they found. My Bloody Valentine (1981) is a Canadian horror flick about a ghost coal miner seeking revenge. Points for being near a mine and building a movie around it, and points for some creative kills, and being maybe the only Valentine’s Day slasher movie(?). SPOILER: I kind of wish the antagonist was actually supernatural and not just the Scooby-Doo style reveal we get.

19. Ray Harryhausen stop-motion dinosaurs and Raquel Welch in a fur bikini are reasons to see this hokey Hammer production. One Million Years B.C. (1966) may not be exactly historically accurate, but credit for being a wordless drama about the lives of early hominids…who are very well shaven. When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is another film in the same vein, but none can hold a candle to the more grounded Jean-Jacques Annaud silent neanderthal epic, Quest for Fire.

18. Lamberto Bava’s Demons (1985) is a schlocky good time. People get invited to a mysterious movie screening and then audience members start turning into demons. It starts fast and doesn’t stop, complete with a sword-wielding motorcycle chase.

17. I enjoy pool. I like a cool underdog story. I love hypnotic Christopher Walken monologues. Poolhall Junkies (2002) hits a lot of familiar sports movie beats, but it’s slick and quick and has a few cute tricks. Even if pool isn’t your thing, it’s worth it for the few scenes Christopher Walken gets to chew to bits. Rod Steiger and Chazz Palminteri co-star.

16. This Serbian-Croatian production is a folk horror set in the late 1800s. Lepterica (1973) is the story of a flour mill in a tiny village that is being hassled by a vampiric ghoul from beyond the grave. While light on actual scares, what makes this one engaging is the fun dynamics between the village folk and some of their approaches to attempt to deal with the monster.

15. Albert Finney is Tom Jones (1963), a gallivanting bastard and cad in jolly old England, canoodling his way into the skirts of every dame that tickles his fancy. It’s classic sex comedy hijinks, made more interesting by its 18th century rules and setting. It’s cheeky editing and narration also gives it a touch of whimsy and buoyancy, and, if you’re a bit drunk, you might even forget to unfavorably compare it to Stanley Kubrick’s superior Barry Lyndon.

14. Josef von Sterberg’s steamy and ponderous romantic melodrama takes place a sultry, imaginary version of Morocco (1930) that never existed. Marlene Dietrich is an emotionally detached vaudevillian drifter who finds herself performing in a smoky Moroccan night club for the entertainment of foreign legionnaires (like equally aimless Gary Cooper) and mysterious millionaires (like Adolphe Menjou). It’s a sleepy sort of love triangle that never moves too quickly and always sort of feels like a dream. Everyone is running away from something. They’ve given up on hope, but still have the pangs of romantic yearnings deep within them that cause them to make seemingly erratic decisions. It’s slow, and it’s no Shanghai Express or Casablanca, but it’s worth it for the moody sets and Dietrich’s tuxedo.

13. Ken Russell is responsible for some of the most insane and fascinating movies out there: Lisztomania, The Devils, Women in Love, Altered States, Gothic, Tommy, etc. Lair of the White Worm (1988) is his drunken wackadoo take on a B-movie, I suppose. An immortal snake woman (delectably played by Amanda Donahoe who is giving her hammy dialogue 110%) is collecting virginal sacrifices to feed to a phallic snake demon (there’s a lot of phallic imagery in this one). It’s absolutely bonkers and boasts some wild hallucination sequences and a very young Hugh Grant and an even younger looking Peter Capaldi. Is it good? Who’s to say? It’s pretty damn fun though. There were bold choices that had us cackling and falling out of our chairs.

12. I never saw Weird Al Yankovic’s cinematic opus until now. Without the filter of nostalgia, I still enjoyed the gentle oddball comedy of UHF (1989). A nerd (Yankovic) realizes his dream of running a local TV station and discovers a hidden talent in a dimwitted janitor (Michael Richards). It’s cute and a nice slice of TV history, and goes down almost as smooth as David Byrne’s True Stories. Weird Al fans should definitely check it out if, like me, they somehow missed this one when they were kids. Would have loved a few more Weird Al songs in it though.

11. Frank Henenlotter turns his eye to the streets with Frankenhooker (1990). It’s a Troma film, so it is excessive, but still softer and more whimsical than Henenlotter’s Basket Case. An extremely superficial man’s wife dies tragically in a freak lawnmower accident. He’s also a bit of an amateur mad scientist so he takes this opportunity to reconstruct her entire body and design it to his own specifications. He develops crack that explodes prostitutes and then builds his perfect woman out of their parts. The movie is silly and goofy enough, but once the eponymous Frankenhooker herself appears, the movie just becomes so much more fun. It’s a movie that keeps topping itself with insane sequences and bizarro ideas, but the real star is Patty Mullen as the wife who finds herself a reanimated zombie girl channeling the thoughts of several sex workers. It’s a wonderful performance and the amount of fun she seems to be having is infectious.

10. Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest flick is a breezy and fun romantic drama that meanders through the 70s. Licorice Pizza (2021) is the story of a teen entrepreneur and hustler named Gary Valentine (Cooper Hoffman) as he woos an older girl, the 25 year old Alana (Alana Haim). This will-they/won’t-they was much more affecting than in a typical romantic comedy, and it just looks and feels great. Also features Tom Waits, Sean penn, Bradley Cooper, Benny Safdie, Harriet Sansom Harris, Maya Rudolph, John Michael Higgens, and Skyler Gisondo.

9. It’s interesting the movies I find myself returning to again and again. Takashi Miike’s oddball black comedy musical, The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001), is just so sweet and weird and comforting, that it keeps calling me back. A Japanese family starts a bed and breakfast in the countryside, but when their first customers tragically die, the family bands together to hide the bodies to avoid bad publicity.

8. If you’re not already on board with Guy Maddin’s esoteric sensibilities, then Brand Upon the Brain! (2006) might not convert you. However, if you jive with his unique brand of avant-garde surrealist humor, then buckle up for a weird journey through memory, trauma, longing, and lighthouses. I may be partial to My Winnipeg, but this one deserves the praise.

7. This one is a vibe. Air Conditioner (2020) is a dreamy Angolan drama that follows a man on a mission to acquire an air conditioner for his boss in a city plagued by a mysterious calamity: air conditioners keep falling out of windows and smashing onto the ground. This one is chill and great for its colors and atmosphere.

6. Robert Pattinson shines as a greasy bank robber who loves his mentally challenged brother and has one night to find bail money after a robbery goes awry in the Safdie Brothers’ Good Time (2017). It’s colorful and kinetic and the ticking clock builds tension. It may not be a good time for the protagonists, but it’s definitely a great bit of anxiety-inducing filmmaking.

5. Film restoration is important. It preserves amazing works of art, powerful political statements, and cultural time capsules that would otherwise be lost to history. And God bless Vinegar Syndrome for seeking to give an unfinished Z-grade kung-fu movie the royal treatment. New York Ninja (1984) had to be cobbled together and rewritten and re-dubbed decades after it was abandoned. The movie makes very little sense, but it looks great and it’s wonderful batshittery of a lost version of New York City where a man can witness his hot wife get stabbed to death on the streets, on his birthday no less, and use his birthday swords (and occasionally roller skates) to become the most conspicuous ninja vigilante alive. It’s chef kiss levels of lunacy and juvenile action and we absolutely loved it.

4. I keep giving Mae West more chances, and I’ve only been rewarded. I was lukewarm on My Little Chickadee, but I enjoyed She Done Him Wrong. With I’m No Angel (1933), I can officially say I am a fan. This sassy, smarmy, and oh-so-horny queen slays every scene with equal parts entendre and shade. West is Tira, a gold-digging circus performer who uses her sexuality to get the finer things in life from amorous men. That is, until she meets Cary Grant and actually, against everything she believes, falls in love. The last act is a literal trial where West basically lays out her case to the audience justifying why she is the way that she is. If Groucho Marx is Bugs Bunny, Mae West is Bugs Bunny in drag. Such a shame the Hays Code put an end to her reign.

3. Classic reggae stars populate the half-documentary world of Rockers (1978). This Jamaican musical film takes you through the neighborhoods of Kingston and into the life of Horsemouth (Leroy Wallace), an aspiring musician who gets his motorbike stolen and tries to get it back or get revenge. Wall to wall music and immersive cinematography make Rockers a must see. I dug this more than The Harder They Come.

2. Unrelenting visions of suffering unfold as we follow an assassin on an unknown mission deep into the mechanical and fleshy levels of what is perhaps the most ghoulish hellscapes ever filmed. This is the next logical step beyond The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb and a Tool music video. Special effects pioneer Phil Tippett spent 30 years putting his depression, his darkest visions, and his demons on screen for Mad God (2021). This film truly embodies the spirit of “This Won’t Be For Everyone”. It’s disgusting and monstrous, but also cathartic and beautifully crafted. At points we laughed because the film was not without moments of macabre levity, but also we laughed at the utter bleakness and horrific depths Mad God wanted to take us. In addition to loving the painstaking art of stop-motion, I also love this type of story; one that is less preoccupied with plot and characters, and more concerned with slowly revealing the mechanics and complex ecosystems of a fantasy world concocted out of someone’s warped imagination. Mad God is cryptic and grotesque and many will probably come away with different interpretations. Many will hate it. Personally, for me, I just wish the whole thing had been maquettes and puppets because the few human actors kind of broke the spell a bit (although Repo Man director Alex Cox plays one of the live people, weirdly). It’s one hell of a journey and it will haunt you and make you feel things. Inventive brutality and cosmic visuals aside, Dan Wool’s score must also be recognized. The music doesn’t hold your hand either, but it is powerful and majestic, like a grim cowboy dirge.

1. I’ve seen Ed Wood (1994) a million times and I will see it a million more. It’s a masterpiece. It’s one of the best movies about Hollywood history; one of the best movies about making movies; Tim Burton’s best film by miles; and one of the best movies of the 90s. Tim Burton’s biopic on the cross-dressing man who was once considered the worst director of all time is so funny, so tender, so gorgeously shot, and gushing with deliriously misguided optimism (despite the real life tragedies of the actual people depicted). Hollywood misfits rejoice. Stefan Czapsky’s sumptuous black-and-white cinematography, Howard Shore’s bold but sensitive score, and Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski’s hilarious and touching script all work together so well. And the cast! Johnny Depp, Martin Landau, Sarah Jessica Parker, Bill Murray, Jeffrey Jones, Patricia Arquette, Lisa Marie, and more give it their all.

SHORTS

The Showman (1970) is a short documentary about a carnival barker and performer who (along with his wife) take in runaway girls so that they can strip nude and be part of their knife throwing act.

What a voice. Lonnie Holley’s musical world is cacophonous and full of soul. I Snuck Off The Slave Ship (2019) combines afro-futurist surrealism alongside haunting sounds that seem to echo deep into the past and future. I also highly recommend the music video for Lonnie Holley’s I Woke Up…

Based on a children’s story by Russell Hoban, The Marzipan Pig (1990) is a cozily animated short directed by Michael Sporn and narrated by Tim Curry. It chronicles the crisscrossing lives of a candy pig, the mouse that eats him and falls in love with a grandfather clock who doesn’t appreciate her until she’s gone, an owl that falls in love with a taxi cab light, and other curious characters. Life goes on without you; a heartening and mature message for any age.

LAST FEW MOVIES LIII: Bring Me the Head of 2021

Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Gonna watch movies until I die.

Once again, I arbitrarily rank the last few movies I watched using a rigorous system that can be summed up as, “meh, it’s what I was vibing with I guess then maybe.” Enjoy.

26. I have an appreciation for nasty, low-budget grindhouse shocksploitation cinema. I get where it comes from. It has a place in film history. Meir Zarchi’s I Spit On Your Grave (1978) may be tick a few of the boxes for the sub-genre, but it was not really an enjoyable experience. Gratuitous and uncreative are words that come to mind. And as far as rape-revenge movies go, other films spit on this one’s grave. Camille Keaton is at least good as the lead.

25. The Uninvited (1988) is a bad movie about a gangster guy who invites some hot bimbos onto his yacht but they invite a couple of dude-bros, but they are allowed to stay because the captain says they have no deckhands, but also also there is a science-experiment-gone-wrong that comes aboard with the girls. This experiment is never fully explained, but it is essentially a cat with a smaller, wetter cat inside of it that sometimes comes out and kills people or poisons their blood. It’s incredibly stupid and we all had a lot of fun watching it. If you like watching pathetic old guys and annoying 20-somethings yell at each other and die dumbly, then this won’t be a total waste of time.

24. This is more the b-movie sleaze I’m here for. Terminal Island (1973), directed by Stephanie Rothman, begins with a woman (played by Ena Hartman) being brought to a free range island penitentiary. Through her we are introduced to the life-or-death rules and gender politics of this open air hell. Clusters of prisoners, angered by the boss prisoner’s style, secede into factions and they proceed go to war with each other. It’s a solid premise that’s ripe for remake. This little surprise also stars a very young Tom Selleck.

23. If I never see another bio/doc on The Beatles, I’ll sleep just fine. John and Yoko: Above Us Only Sky (2018) gives us a peek into the recording of the album Imagine, and does a good job of letting us see just how weird making art can be. It’s a strange thing to capture an artistic lightning strike, but when it does strike, you had better be ready for it. And you better have the right people in your corner to help you bottle it.

22. We loved Don Coscarelli’s weird grave-robbing interdimensional horror so much, we vowed to watch all the sequels. Phantasm II (1988) was next up. A sleeker production than its predecessor, Phantasm II functions as a sequel/reboot of the original. It was almost impossible to follow, but they made Reggie more of a badass and those spiky, floating death orbs are back so, ya know. 4 stars or whatever.

21. I love finding insane stuff and unleashing it onto my friends. Stumbled upon Possessed II (1984), a batshit Hong Kong spook show that just keeps dialing up the crazy. Just the way we like it. I could attempt to describe the meat locker scene, or the scene with the owl and the rat, or one of the scenes where a lady jumps off a roof, or the scene where a little possessed girl absolutely gives it to her bully. But what would be the point? Best to just let it wash over you and try to figure out just what the hell is happening for yourself. One big surprise I must tell, however, was according to this movie, I guess the Hare Krishnas are right?

20. Finally got to the Rankin-Bass production, The Last Unicorn (1982). Stilted yet stylized animation and a decent voice cast (Mia Farrow, Alan Arkin, Christopher Lee, Tammy Grimes, Jeffe Bridges, etc.) come together to tell this surprisingly deep fantasy about innocence and humanity, love and choices. Apart from Legend, how many movies about unicorns are there? The movie mostly won me over with its theme song.

19. Lucien Castaing documents shepherds in Montana wrangling sheep one last time in Sweetgrass (2009). Like Leviathan, this documentary is light on exposition and explanation. The film is at its most interesting when it lingers on the day-to-day activities of working with sheep.

18. Sonny Chiba might have the most powerful hair in the business. The eyebrows. The sideburns. Everything. Makes sense to cast him as the last of a defeated werewolf clan in groovy 70s Japan. Wolf Guy (1975) was another weirdo flick we found incredibly hard to follow. Stuff just sort of happens and you have to go with it. It’s a crime melodrama with some supernatural elements and we definitely would have rated it higher had the film not kept teasing us with a werewolf transformation that never comes. The film ends the day before he’s supposed to turn into a wolf. Lame.

17. Quentin Dupieux seems to only be interested in making surreal meta-comedies. That’s fine. Not everyone will always be on his wavelength (myself included). However, I enjoyed Réalité (2014). A director (Alain Chabat) is trying to capture the perfect scream in order secure funding for his next movie. But that’s really not what it’s about. Or is it? I don’t know if it goes anywhere or really says anything, but most of me didn’t mind as I was consistently laughing and puzzling over it the whole way. A hypnotic shaggy dog story.

16. I’ve never been the biggest Marilyn Monroe fan, but I gave Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) a shot. Directed by Howard Hawks, it has all the glamor and musical numbers you would hope for in a production like this. Two showgirls – with very different attitudes towards men and romance – go on a fancy cruise ship together. Sardonic Jane Russell is the perfect friend/foil to ditzy Marilyn Monroe, and Russell’s impression of Monroe at the end is really what won me completely over.

15. We are always on the lookout for the next Breen or Wiseau. A misunderstood, deluded auteur who is really putting themselves out there. Writer/director/producer/star, Steve Barkett, has a bit more clarity and vision than some of the others, but all of the self-obsessed hubris we long for. The Aftermath (1982) is a typical brainless sci-fi b-flick about a post-apocalyptic dystopia, but with a sensitive-eyed, noble hero who eventually becomes incensed enough to do the violence. A little slow to get started, but villainous Sid Haig will see you through the middle bits until we get to the big, dumb, pew-pew shoot ’em up final act. Watch The Quiet Earth afterwards to cleanse the palate, if need be.

14. Steve Barkett’s other directorial outing, Empire of the Dark (1990), may be less ambitious in scope, but it has two things that we love: underground devil cult and a grocery store shootout. Barkett is a little less of a goodie-goodie in this one, but still boasts them sultry baby blues. Clearly made on a much smaller budget, but much more fun and watchable than The Aftermath.

13. The Whistlers (2019) is a sexy Romanian crime drama that employs the use of an obscure whistling language native to the Canary Islands in order for its characters to communicate over long distances yet with secrecy. Mobsters, police surveillance, secret codes, and double crosses. It’s admittedly a little hard to follow (especially once you realize it’s being told out of order), but the cast is good and its just such a sleek looking beast, you kind of get sucked in.

12. It had been a hot minute and I found myself revisiting the anarchic stop-motion toy world of A Town Called Panic (2009). Based on a Belgian series, the film follows the surreal misadventures of Cowboy, Indian, and Horse. On the surface, it may appear crude, but there is a deftness in its intentional minimalism, shot composition, and timing. It’s also very creative and funny.

11. There’s still a thing or two I enjoy about David Lynch’s flawed adaptation of Frank Herbert’s novel. That said, Denis Villaneuve’s update on Dune (2021) is pretty great. Political intrigue and ancient religions are moving pieces around a big, sandy board that is full of giant worms. I did wish it was a bit more visually interesting (Blade Runner 2049 spoiled us, perhaps), but if the sun-parched desert is bumming you out, just wait for Stellan Skarsgård’s Baron Harkonnen to show up and dominate the screen. And it really does need to be experienced on a massive screen. It’s just nice to see a big budget sci-fi epic take its time to craft a unique experience. We will have to wait and see what the second part has in store.

10. John Carpenter is a legend and Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) is another classic example of a simple idea working well in the hands of someone who knows how to handle the material. A mysterious gang, that almost behaves zombie-like (perhaps due to a sun-flare), is laying siege upon an all but empty police station. It has all the ingredients for a gritty thriller.

9. Guillermo del Toro’s sumptuous visuals lend themselves to classic noir in Nightmare Alley (2021). Stan (Bradley Cooper) is a drifter with a dark past who finds a job in a circus, learns some mentalist tricks of deception, and then uses them to head to the big city (of Buffalo) and use his powers of manipulation to cajole his way into wealth. Naturally, things turn south. Noir typically delves into the dark side of humanity and often functions as a morality play, and this remake gets that. Like all del Toro flicks, the world this story takes place in is detailed and gorgeous, but danger lurks in the shadows. Cate Blanchett, Toni Collette, Rooney Mara, David Strathairn, Ron Perlman, Richard Jenkins, and Willem Dafoe co-star.

8. Hot off the remake, I gave the original Nightmare Alley (1947), directed by Edmund Goulding, a look. I dig classic Hollywood and, while it could be argued that there are things del Toro’s version did better (the rules and culture surrounding mentalism being more fleshed out being one big improvement), there’s something more pure about this one. Tyrone Power is great as Stan and the three women whose affections he juggles (played by Coleen Gray, Joan Blondell, and Helen Walker) are all very good too. It’s almost shot-for-shot the same movie, but some scenes just hit a little harder – even without being overly flashy, stylized, or gruesome.

7. Cartoonists make some of the most interesting directors. Terry Gilliam, Marjane Satrapi, Dash Shaw, Mike Judge, Tim Burton. They just see the world through a more distorted lens. French cartoonist Riad Sattouf’s Jacky in the Kingdom of Women (2014) is a dystopian fantasy set in a Third World fundamentalist dictatorship. The twist is that it’s a matriarchy and all the men are burqa’d up subservient second-class citizens who dream of going to the ball and marrying the tyrant general’s daughter. Recontextualizing religious conservativism by swapping gender roles while also critiquing on government corruption wasn’t enough to make this wacky comedy memorable, so it’s also a riff on the classic tale of Cinderella. This won’t be for everyone, but this one got me. Stars Vincent Lacoste and Charlotte Gainsbourg.

6. Terrence Malick’s Voyage of Time: Life’s Journey (2016) is basically watching the cosmos bits from Tree of Life without the other stuff. I kind of wish it were less theological and poetic and more cryptic and cold, but that’s me. Amazing shots of lost landscapes and stars forming reminds us that this giant, crazy, perhaps eternal universe has always contained powerful magic beyond our comprehension and will continue to do so long after we are gone.

5. Listen. I’m dumb. I like Arnold Schwarzenegger and I like sword-and-sorcery. And I write and illustrate a barbarian webcomic very much inspired by this type of nonsense candy so I’m a bit biased, but… Conan the Destroyer (1984) delivers. John Milius’s previous film, Conan the Barbarian, was a grand epic melodrama, but the Richard Fleischer directed sequel is a straight up fantasy comic book brought to life. Conan goes on a more kid-friendly quest this time since producer Dino De Laurentiis felt another R-rating would effect ticket sales. I’ll accept reduced violence in exchange for more monsters. That’s show business, baby. Grace Jones, Mako, Wilt Chamberlain, and Sarah Douglas co-star.

4. Is this peak Denzel Washington? Maybe. Devil in a Blue Dress (1995), directed by Carl Franklin, is a classic neo-noir detective thriller, but where pretty much all classic noirs were made with whites for whites, this one is set in the Black neighborhoods of Los Angeles. The 1940s set dressing and costumes are wonderful to look at, and Denzel is captivating as Easy Rawlins, a man who takes a mysterious job of finding a woman and unwittingly gets caught up in a murder plot. Don Cheadle shows up about halfway through to give the movie a punch of fresh energy. The movie is sexy as hell.

3. Bong Joon-ho movies are always so rich in human weakness. The Host, Snowpiercer, Okja, and Parasite are all fascinating and outlandish, but his earlier film, Memories of Murder (2003), is a pared down small town police procedural, based on a South Korean true crime event, that might be my favorite. Starring Bong Joon-ho regular, Kang-ho Song, Memories of Murder stands out among cop dramas because the police are not good at their job and are violent and haunted by these killings as they reveal their own incompetence.

2. Charles Grodin and Robert DeNiro have the most amazing comic chemistry in Midnight Run (1988). This was a movie that was on TV a lot, and I always knew it was funny, but I never sat down and watched the whole thing. DeNiro is a divorced ex-cop turned bounty hunter hired to pick up an accountant who stole money from the mob and bring him to Los Angeles. With mafia guys, the FBI, and other bounty hunters hot on their tails, the two men go on a car chase and shootout filled cross-country race. Like all good buddy movies, it’s all really just an excuse to explore male relationships. Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, and Joe Pantoliano co-star. Another MVP for this movie is the absolutely bangin’ Danny Elfman score.

1. Pre-Code melodrama loaded with tough talk, casual racism, and big boy rivalries, The Bowery (1933), directed by Raoul Walsh, showcases a rowdy 1890s New York where everyone’s a wise-guy and grown men control neighborhoods based on their status and infamy. Wallace Beery and George Raft play Chuck Connors and Steve Brodie respectively. The two men are bowler hat wearin’, lady smackin’ rivals who, through a series of dares and stunts, try to win the respect of the lowly denizens of New York’s Bowery district. Swipes McGurk (played by Jackie Cooper) is a foul-mouthed street urchin taken in by Connors, and anchors the film with much needed heart. Fay Wray also co-stars as a homeless girl who winds up with feelings for both Connors and Brodie. There’s also a steamy saloon singer lush with billowing bloomers played by Pert Kelton. The acting and dialogue are fun, but the cinematography and atmosphere just bring it to another level. There are also plenty of nods to actual historical events and figures, from Brodie’s famous jump from the Brooklyn Bridge to an appearance by Temperance leader, Carrie Nation. It genuinely feels like time traveling to a different era. You can see a lot of inspiration for Scorsese’s Gangs of New York here – even down to the warring volunteer fire brigades. Watching this even made a lot of old Looney Tunes cartoons make a lot more sense (what a surreal experience to be watching a movie from the 1930s about the 1890s and have it retroactively make cartoons from the 1940s you watched in the 1990s make sense now in the 2020s). Balled together, it’s a fantastic bit of old New York mythmaking and history. It won’t be for everyone maybe, but I absolutely loved this movie and the all but forgotten world it depicts.

The Last Few Movies I Saw: Episode XXI – A Star Wars Story

Once again, ordered by what I thought of them. The further down the list you go, the stronger I recommend. I wrote a bit more than the usual blurb about Rogue One because it’s Star Wars. And there weren’t any films this time I thought were awful. Everything’s got something worth checking out.

Bamboozled (2000) is a satirical look at race as it is portrayed on American television. Directed by Spike Lee (Do the Right Thing) and starring Damon Wayans, this pairing may make it difficult to find the tone of the movie. There are serious themes worthy of unpacking here, but the tone feels off. Sometimes it’s silly and almost clever and then the sledgehammer comes down along with heavy emotions. Pierre Delacroix (Wayans) pitches a blackface minstrel variety show to the network as a joke, but they love the idea and run with it. The most effective moments, in my opinion, feature the actors in the show going through the conflicting process of donning the dehumanizing makeup. Despite a clever premise and what feels like great potential for scathing satire and serious conversation, the movie is a bit of a dud.

 

That’s Not Funny (2014) is a documentary about comedy and taboo topics directed by Mike Celestino. It talks about what offends and why and why it may not even matter. It’s a dry examination that works mainly because it’s so straightforward. For people already entrenched in the comedy world, it doesn’t offer much new insight, but for the casual comic observer maybe there’s more value in it.

Train to Busan (2016) is a Korean zombie movie directed by Sang-Ho Yeon. It’s more of a sleek action movie than a bleak horror thriller. It hits a lot of familiar zombie movie markers, but setting it on the KTX (a train I have taken many times) from Seoul to Busan gave it a dose of novelty. It’s not a great zombie flick, but it has some fun moments and for people who don’t like their horror too moody, scary, or bloody Train to Busan might be a decent alternative. Dong-seok Ma (The Good, the Bad, the Weird) is easily the best part.

Sausage Party (2016) is the story of food discovering the horrible truth about their destiny. Directed by Greg Tiernan and Conrad Vernon and written by Seth Rogen and company, this unrelentingly crass smorgasbord of Pixar and piety skewering satire boasts more creativity than it probably needed. There’s a lot of juvenile jokes, but also a satisfying adventure arc as well as a cute social commentary (spoiler alert: religions are just evolved permutations of old stories to find reason and hope in a horrifying universe and living in a world where Rick and Morty exist makes the satire here seem amateurish and trite). A bit obnoxious, but still funny and the animation is quite good. The Stephen Hawking character in the third act elevated the whole shebang for me.

Off Limits (1988) is a buddy cop movie directed by Christopher Crowe. What sets this police investigation action thriller apart is that it’s set in Saigon at the height of the Vietnam War. Willem Dafoe and Gregory Hines star as McGriff and Albaby, two loose cannon military cops trying to uncover who’s murdering all the prostitutes with mixed race kids. It’s a bit of a trashy premise and an underwhelming revelation in the finale, but the middle bits have enough suspense, tough-guy talk, and memorable standoffs that it feels good revisiting this mostly forgotten buddy flick. Co-starring Fred Ward, Amanda Pays, Keith David, Scott Glenn, and David Alan Grier.

True Lies (1994) is a classic action movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and directed by James Cameron (Aliens). Although I had seen it on TV as a kid a few times, this was the first time I actually sat down to watch the whole thing. Harry Tasker (Schwarzenegger) is a secret agent married to Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis in one of her most fun roles), a bored wife who thinks he’s a computer salesman. After learning the truth of her husband’s identity and a truly provocative striptease, the couple both become mixed up in a terrorist plot (headed by Art Malik). While I personally prefer the more sincere Schwarzenegger action movies (Conan the Barbarian, Terminator, Predator, Total Recall, Commando) than the winking parodies, this is honestly a lot more fun than Last Action Hero. The action set pieces are fun (horse in the elevator?) the film never takes itself terribly seriously. Tom Arnold is obnoxious, but the presence of Tia Carrere makes up for that maybe.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) is a science fantasy adventure that takes place like 30 years after the events of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) and ends a few minutes before Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977) begins. But if you’re not a giant Star Wars nerd then I guess you could you say this is a wartime espionage adventure set in outer space.

OK. Because this is Star Wars and, like many of you, the original trilogy was a very important part of my formative years, I feel I should be slightly more in depth. I realize my tastes are fairly predictable. I love the original trilogy (Empire Strikes Back still being one of my favorite space movies), intensely dislike the prequels, and upon re-watching The Force Awakens sober, I’m not a fan (it looks great, but some of the awkward humor and acting choices along with the cloying nostalgia and the disquieting sense of the messy, convoluted script being composed by a committee checking off boxes sucks a lot of the fun out for me). That said, I basically enjoyed Rogue One. There’s stuff I hated too. Who knows what I’ll think if I see it again.

Things I liked:

1. The cinematography and abundance of real props, sets, locations, etc. all serve to make the world feel real and lived in and steeped in a detailed and immense intergalactic history. The costumes and most of the puppets also look great (the squid guys are looking sillier and sillier though). This movie genuinely feels like an expansion of a familiar fictional universe.

2. It is different enough in tone and execution to make up for my qualms with Force Awakens being too similar. Even if not all of those choices work.

3. I liked the robot and the two Chinese guys. K-S20 (Alan Tudyk) gets the best lines and Chirrut Îmwe  (martial arts master, Donnie Yen, basically playing space Zatoichi) and Baze Malbus (Wen Jiang) have a nice friendship (just about the only interesting relationship in the movie) and are kinda cool. Wish they had had more to do.

The story is reminiscent of WWII commando adventures. This ain’t exactly The Devil’s Brigade or Guns of Navarone, but it seems to come from that tradition. It’s just got great space battles too…which maybe makes up for a lot of the characters being rather tepid by comparison. Which brings me to my next segment.

Things I didn’t like:

1. The two main characters, Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) and Cassian Andor (Diego Luna), look good but are rather flat in the personality department. This really killed the intended impact of the finale for me. The central figures should not be an emotional vacuum in a movie like this. The rest of the characters are sadly forgettable.

2. Some of the fan service nods to the other films are handled well, but there’s still a lot of awkward inclusions.

3. Possible spoiler: there are a couple characters from the original 1977 movie that make appearances, but due to old age or death they are performed by CG versions of the actors (or touched up original footage in the case of a few pilots). In each instance it is strikingly disorienting. The CG humans are finely rendered (we’ve come a long way since The Scorpion King), but their inclusion is dumfoundingly distracting and unnecessary. We’re still in Uncanny Valley territory, and it feels super weird. It does, however, make me want to watch The Congress again.

Darth Vader’s in it too and they make him scary again. It’s a big improvement over the whiny, pathetic prequel Anakins and his descendant, Kylo Ren. I just couldn’t remove the image from my head of an 85 year old James Earl Jones reading lines into a microphone in a gray, squishy room. But I’m weird and this is just how my brain works.

All things considered, Rogue One, while not stellar, is a ballsy Star Wars movie in a lot of ways. I like some of the freshness that Gareth Edwards was allowed to bring to it and admire some of the risks Disney took (not all). There’s a lot that just doesn’t work in this movie and it’s pretty emotionally dead, but if you like Star Wars, you’ll probably enjoy it even with its imperfections. There’s a reason people hold this series to a high personal standard. Like them. Hate them. At this point, they are intrinsically designed to be over-analyzed and talked about forever. It’s annoying, but who doesn’t like to indulge just a little bit?

Also stars Riz Ahmed, Ben Mendelsohn, Mads Mikkelsen, Forest Whitaker, Genevieve O’Reilly, and Jimmy Smits.

Swiss Army Man (2016) is a bromantic comedy about a hopeless misfit (Paul Dano) and a farting corpse with a penis that points north (Daniel Radcliffe). It was written and directed by Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert. Although savagely surreal and whimsical, the movie creates a weirdly touching relationship between the two characters. The curiosity and innocence of the corpse causes Hank (Dano) to relive a lot of experiences and emotions and see much of his own life from a new perspective. As a surreal adventure comedy it works and as a surprisingly thoughtful examination of the nature of identity, it also somehow works. Check this one out.

Arrival (2016) is a minimalist science fiction drama directed by Denis Villeneuve (Sicario). Amy Adams stars as the American linguist who figures out how to communicate with the enigmatic alien squid monsters. If you want a movie about boring old diplomacy then this is it. The central theme of the story is that communication takes time but it is time that must be given if the quest for understanding is a pure one. It also examines how language structures understanding of the physical world (and potentially our understanding of time itself). Gorgeously shot and thoughtfully acted. A highly recommended film. Also stars Jeremy Renner, Forest Whitaker, and Michael Stuhlbarg.

A History of Violence (2005) is a modern noir directed by David Cronenberg (Dead Ringers). Viggo Mortensen (Return of the King) stars as a small town guy who becomes a local hero after he stops some bad dudes. This act, however, unleashes nothing but trouble for him and his family as aspects of his past are questioned and unearthed and more mob guys show up and begin harassing his family. Like all Cronenberg films, there’s a lot going on beneath the surface. The lead performances are quite good (Maria Bello is a standout as Mortensen’s wife). It’s a small, tightly told story with suspense and a few turns that genuinely surprised me. Also stars Ed Harris, William Hurt, and Stephen McHattie.

True Romance (1993) is a crime drama about a comic store geek (Christian Slater) who marries a call girl (Patricia Arquette) and steals her pimp’s (Gary Oldman) cocaine. Written by Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction) and directed by Tony Scott (Enemy of the State), this star packed thriller crackles with exciting dialogue, unpredictable encounters, and stylish directorial flourishes. It’s violent, funny, flashy, unapologetic, and damn good fun. I feel dumb for having not seen this one before. Don’t make my mistake! Co-starring Dennis Hopper, Christopher Walken, Brad Pitt, James Gandolfini, Val Kilmer, David Rapaport, and Samuel L. Jackson.

So what did you see recently?

Brad Pitt in True Romance (1993)

Kubo and the Two Strings

I’m a sucker for stop-motion animation. From Harryhausen to the Brothers Quay, I have a fascination with the weird incremental dance of the puppets. There’s a tactile intensity and homespun charm in it that other mediums cannot convey.

Laika Studios‘ latest film, Kubo and the Two Strings (2016), directed by Travis Knight, is an impressive visual treat and wild technical marvel. The story is about stories and perhaps how the telling of stories is integral to humanity—in the film’s universe it is a crucial element that separates humans from the realm of immortal gods and spirits.

Young orphan Kubo (Art Parkinson) is thrust into the midst of an adventure story that was started by his parents long before he was born. He has some magical skill to manipulate origami figures with his shamisen, a traditional three stringed Japanese instrument, but he will need much help and guidance to control his powers and obtain the magical armor that can protect him from his two evil aunts (Rooney Mara) and his strange grandfather (Ralph Fiennes), the Moon King. To teach him on his quest are two teacher companions, Monkey (Charlize Theron) and Beetle (Matthew McConaughey).

It’s a wonderful adventure full of magic and samurai action that is anchored by some genuinely compelling characters. The relationship between Kubo, Monkey, and Beetle is the true heartbeat of the film. Which is kind of the point. All the fantastical spectacle in the world would be totally weightless without character or consequence. And the writers (Marc Haimes, Chris Butler, and Shannon Tindle) know this. The characters have a natural chemistry and the dynamics between them are what can make a huge epic fantasy like this also feel quite intimate. And the subtly expressive animation conveys that intimacy wonderfully well.

I haven’t seen a movie mix genuinely exciting action with strong themes of family love since Pixar’s The Incredibles.

Like Coraline (2009), ParaNorman (2012), and The Boxtrolls (2014), the worlds created for Kubo are wholly unique and sumptuously detailed. They also all favor a slightly darker edge than some of their competition. While all the Laika films can’t seem to help but end with a showdown with a big monster, their solutions are often a bit more novel than simply kill the bad guy. Perhaps not quite Studio Ghibli, but we’ll take it.

I may gripe that finding the armor pieces felt like arbitrary video game McGuffins (Coraline had this problem too), but the overall experience overshadowed these elements. The story isn’t really about the armor anyway. It’s about Kubo discovering his identity and how to end the story his mother and father began. The warmth of the characters and the respect for the audience is what stuck out to me most.

One more weird note. For a movie set in Japan, it may be a little odd that all of the Japanese voice actors are relegated to background extras. Sorry, George Takei.

I definitely recommend Kubo and the Two Strings, especially on a big screen. The whole family can enjoy this one. A lot of talent went into this project and it shows. And since music is also such an important feature throughout the movie, it seems only fitting that George Harrison’s “As My Guitar Gently Weeps” (covered by Regina Spektor) should play as the credits roll for this somber tale.

The Last Few Movies I Saw: Episode XVIII – Here We Go Again

As always, I rank the films on no concrete scale or rubric. Just what I thought of them. The further down the list, the more I liked it. It’s not science, guys.

Meh:

Remember. It’s funnier than an average rom-com, but that’s a low bar.

Comedian Amy Schumer (Inside Amy Schumer) stars in Trainwreck (2015), a mean-spirited by-the-numbers rom-com with one or two really good laughs. Judd Apatow (Knocked Up) directs and Bill Hader (SNL) co-stars as the perfect but vaguely awkward man who lets an alcoholic Amy treat him like garbage until she decides to just be with him. It’s a story of a character’s personal growth, but if you never really like the character you won’t care and if you’re not sure if she’s even learned anything you may be hard-pressed to call it an arc. I don’t care what the genders are, people being selfish and crappy to each other is neither romantic nor charming. Also features Alison Brie, Colin Quinn, John Cena, Tilda Swinton, Randall Park, and Dave Attell.

If we keep running we might find “The Road to Wellville.”

I did not get Yorgos Lanthimos’ The Lobster (2015). I did not dislike it. I just didn’t quite get it. Colin Farrell (Seven Psychopaths), sporting a truly wonderful mustache, is a quiet man at a surreal mansion getaway where tenants are required to find a mate within 45 days lest they be turned into an animal (Colin chooses a lobster). I think it’s a metaphor for the social stigmas of being single, but it was all a little too dry and slow for me. A tepid, but refreshingly strange outing to the cinema. Also stars Rachel Weicz, Michael Smiley, John C. Reilly, and Ben Whishaw.

No peace. No pussy.

It took me awhile to get into the rhyming dialogue and beat poetry delivery of Spike Lee’s Chi-raq (2015). Lysistrata (played by the fabulous Teyonah Parris) starts a revolution to end gang violence in the bloody streets of Chicago by getting all women to deny their men sex of any kind until the shootings stop. It’s a bit stagey at times (in a stylized but awkward way that doesn’t always work), but the energy and humor and pulse of desperation make this movie worth a look. A bit tonally uneven, which is a shame because I feel like there’s a great film in there somewhere. Also features Angela Bassett, Samuel L. Jackson, Nick Cannon, Wesley Snipes, Steve Harris, Dave Chappelle, Jennifer Hudson.

Guilty pleasures and amiable lectures:

Close the door! You’re letting Tarantino’s ego out!

Quentin Tarantino. An obnoxious egotist who makes some fun movies. The Hateful Eight (2015) looks great and packs some great people into its tiny cast. A bounty hunter called The Hangman (Kurt Russell) escorting his bounty (Jennifer Jason Leigh) to her execution gets snowbound in a shifty cabin full of untrustworthy characters. The moments of tension are great—although nothing close to Inglourious Basterds or Django Unchained—and it has a few surprises, but when every character is so hateful it can become hard to care about what happens to them. Samuel L. Jackson is half the reason the movie is as entertaining as it is. Jackson has a fantastic mental showdown with Bruce Dern’s character too. Also stars Tim Roth, Walter Goggins, and Michael Madsen.

So it has come to this. I’m doing a Samurai Cop sequel.

Samurai Cop (1991) is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. It truly is one of the BEST bad movies out there and you owe it to yourself to watch it now. The surprise sequel Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015) is decidedly underwhelming by comparison. The film spends a lot of its time winking at the audience and dusting off all of the old cast for their own quality moments of varying hilarity. Instead of a crappy old school B-action movie we get a seriously incomprehensible Lynchian mess of flashy colors and lady murder. In a post screening Q&A, Matt Karedas (Joe “Samurai Cop” Marshall, himself) expressed disappointment with the finished product and said he was uncomfortable murdering so many women in the film, feeling it was against Joe’s character. For however impossible the plot is to follow, I loved a lot of the cheesy winks and wacky, forced cameos. Bai Ling and The Room‘s Tommy Wiseau add a lot of over-the-top zany surreality to the finished product, but seeing Mark Frazer and so many of the original cast reprising their roles in this stupid film was just what I needed. It looks like everyone is having fun. And this movie actually gave me newfound respect for Bai Ling. She plays it well beyond eleven. Fans of the original will undoubtedly be as dismayed and baffled as Matt, but should check it out anyway for a stupid adventure with your favorite cult movie heroes.

I came here for Keegan-Michael Key. Excited for “Keanu”!

Jason Strouse’s quiet little comedy-drama about an ineffably likable high school teacher (played wonderfully by Matt Letscher) is sweet. It’s charming. It’s actually a bit too clean and simple at times. But Teacher of the Year (2014) manages to more closely resemble the anxieties of actual teacher life than most teacher flicks. Mitch Carter (Letscher) is a great educator who has to make a choice between staying where he’s always been or taking a bigger job across the country. The cast is good (Keegan-Michael Key and the Sklar Brothers add needed hilarity) and it has enough satisfying character moments to eclipse some of its contrivances. It’s not pretentious and it should make you smile, whether you’re in education or not. Co-stars Tamlyn Tomita, Jamie Kaler, Larry Joe Campbell, and Sunny Mabrey.

A bit more on board:

I’m the best part of the movie and barely mentioned on the poster. Admit it. You can’t pronounce my name.

I love the Coen Brothers (Fargo, No Country for Old Men) and even lower tier Coens is still watchable (Ladykillers is pushing it though). Hail, Caesar! (2016) is not a masterpiece, but it is breezy and fun. The story is pulled in perhaps too many directions (The Big Lebowski made it work). Ultimately we may be a little fuzzy on what was being said and why we should care (Burn After Reading did it better). It’s all rather showy and cartoony (Hudsucker Proxy and Raising Arizona were more successful here). It’s about old Hollywood (Barton Fink, while weird, was far more engaging). It tries to depict a crisis of faith (A Serious Man, anyone?). In the end, Hail, Caesar! is a series of wacky scenes vaguely connected and told in the mock-buildup fashion of classic Coen shaggy dog tales. Not great. But not bad. Stars Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Alden Ehrenreich (possibly the best part of the show), and a host of cameos from Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand, Scarlett Johansson, Ralph Fiennes, Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, Clancey Brown, Wayne Knight, Christopher Lambert, etc. So what’s it about? The red scare? The calculated fakeness of showbiz? Who cares? Eat your popcorn.

Say “War on Christmas” one more time.

Michael Dougherty’s Krampus (2015) is a gleefully dark Christmas story full of demonic gingerbread men, ghoulish holiday gifts, and the wicked elf ruler of them all. A boy accidentally curses his family’s stressful yuletide proceedings when he summons the dark version of Santa Claus: Krampus. It’s silly and simple, but the surreal sense of dread, coupled with the right tone of comedy, propel this anti-holiday flick beyond Gremlins (perhaps). Did I mention the fantastic creature effects? The evil Jack-in-the-box and the nightmarish lord of them all look wonderful! The use of puppets and suited monsters definitely add to the uneasy texture of this kooky flick. Features an extended stop-motion flashback sequence and Adam Scott, Toni Collette, Conchata Ferrell, David Koechner, and Allison Tolman.

The closest I’ve gotten to being interested in soccer.

What if you could get the two lowest FIFA ranked teams in soccer and have them compete against each other on the same exact day as the World Cup final? Two Dutch soccer fans did just that and made it into a documentary called The Other Final (2003). If you like underdogs, this is for you. It’s underdogs versus underdogs! Watching the sadly forgotten teams of Bhutan and Montserrat meet on the patchy green amicably and in the spirit of pure sportsmanship is a charming little departure from big commercial athletics. As a bonus, I learned more about the countries of Bhutan and Montserrat than I ever knew before.

Let’s take it up a notch:

You will forever think differently about fish, pigs, and monkeys.

I’m a Stephen Chow fan. Shaolin Soccer and Kung-fu Hustle are masterpieces of comic fantasy. Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013) is a fantastically innovative adventure and compelling retelling of the classic Chinese legend. While some of the ambitious visuals may falter beneath occasionally uneven special effects, one must applaud Chow’s typically confident direction of the impossible mayhem. Tragedy and comedy go hand in hand in this action-packed tale of demon hunters and romance unrequited. Like Chow’s previous films mentioned, Journey to the West is accessible to children for its monsters and fantasy but complex and surprising in its narrative cogs. At the end of it all, I found myself both exhausted and delighted at having seen something unique. Shu Qi, Wen Zhang, and Huang Bo star.

And I want to come out on a swan.

Kristen Wiig (SNL) plays Alice Klieg, a mentally ill woman who wins the lottery and decides to make a show based on herself (her thoughts, her memories, her hobbies, etc.) in Shira Piven’s Welcome to Me (2014). Honestly, I can’t imagine a single other person playing this character. Wiig straddles a weird line between comedy and sympathy for mental illness. The usual obvious satirical fodder of television politics rears its head too, but the real heart of the film comes from the endearing character and Wiig’s performance. There’s a lot of goodies in this clever little movie that I’ll just recommend you watch it. Also features Joan Cusack, Linda Cardellini, James Marsden, Wes Bentley, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tim Robbins, and Alan Tudyk.

Say “Tommy Wiseau” in the mirror three times and a drama student rejoins the fastfood industry.

If you got excited by Tommy Wiseau’s mention in Samurai Cop 2, then you’re going to love this: The Room fan Rick Harper got deep into Wiseau’s world a few years back. So deep they may not be on speaking terms anymore. So deep he tracked down most of the original cast and crew and made a documentary about the famously awful cult movie. I had the special privilege of seeing the world premier of Room Full of Spoons (2016) in Madrid. If watching The Room brings you joy; if Tommy Wiseau fascinates you with his captivating oddness; if you’ve ever had questions about how the film was made or where Tommy comes from…watch this documentary.

What’s this Panama Papers thing I keep hearing about?

2016 Oscar winning film about the Catholic priest pedophilia cover up, Spotlight (2015), is solidly cast, well written, and an important reminder of the significance of investigative journalism in our world. This is like the sister film of All the President’s Men (1976). Not merely satisfied with looking into the interviewing process of gathering data via cold calls, personal interviews, and reading through old documents, Spotlight, like All the President’s Men, deals a lot with the nature of the politics game and media strategies involved in a high profile, high risk scoop dependent on secrecy and facts. And the personalities uncovering the story bring added realism to this slow-burn drama. Stars Michael Keaton, Mark Ruffalo, Stanley Tucci, Liev Schreiber, Rachel McAdams, and John Slattery.

MORE! MORE!

It was a slow night.

I gave a needed re-watch to a film I never really got on board with as a child. I saw the original Star Wars trilogy when I was 4 or 5 years old. Our home did not celebrate the knockoffs I later came to love. Starcrash and Battle Beyond the Stars have since become films I frequently recommend. Knowing this, and somewhat prompted by “Trailers From Hell“, I gave The Last Starfighter (1984) another chance. No, not all of the effects hold up (some of the earliest examples of CGI), but it is such an amiable breath of fresh air that it hit me just right. A video-gamer named Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) living in a dusty trailer park gets a surprise visit from a strange alien visitor (The Music Man‘s Robert Preston) sent to recruit him to defend a distant planet. Alex’s alien mentor, Grig (played by Dan O’Herlihy), is an understandably favorite character. It’s basically everything you want it to be. It’s unapologetically fun and squarely 80s sci-fi cheese. Maybe never confused with a truly “great” film, I submit we retain slots for the wonderfully good.

Him: There’s pigs. Her: I know.

Shane Carruth’s Upstream Color (2013) is assuredly not everyone’s cup of tea. It is a hypnotic, elliptical enigma. If you thought Primer was alienating and indecipherable, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Categorized as a sci-fi movie, imdb.com summarizes the plot thusly: A man and woman are drawn together, entangled in the life cycle of an ageless organism. Identity becomes an illusion as they struggle to assemble the loose fragments of wrecked lives. Which is more than the film itself clearly communicates and more succinct than I could blurb. For whatever reason, I enjoyed it immensely. But then…I also liked Beyond the Black Rainbow and Under the Skin a lot too.

Imagine how betrayed you’d feel if this picture was all you knew about the movie.

High-Rise (2015) is Ben Wheatley’s adaptation of J.G. Ballard’s 1975 novel. Tom Hiddleston plays a businessman who moves into the latest architectural wonder created by Anthony Royal (Jeremy Irons). It’s got all the modern conveniences and it is stylish beyond compare, but things gradually devolve into anarchy as the classes and perceived entitlements of its tenants begin to clash. This is not Snowpiercer. This is not an action movie. The objectives are intentionally vague. It’s brand of satire is unabashedly dark and murky. It’s sexy and weird and claustrophobic. Also stars Sienna Miller, Luke Evans, and Elisabeth Moss.

Well, at least it’s not Scientology.

Here’s a slow-burn that caught me off guard. I went to see Karyn Kusama’s The Invitation (2015) knowing pretty much nothing about it. I think that helped. The story of a group of estranged friends reuniting under cryptic circumstances—and what increasingly feels like a cult pitch—sucks you in and holds you under as the tension and suspense uncomfortably builds before a final act that does not disappoint. The driveway to this California dinner party is lined with warning signs. Watch it. Stars Logan Marshall-Green, Tammy Blanchard, Michiel Huisman, and John Carroll Lynch.

This is the end:

After all that, what could I list as my top three films? (As my whims sit these evening anyway.)

That’s never a good sign.

S. Craig Zahler’s directorial debut has been lauded. And for good reason. Bone Tomahawk (2015) blows Tarantino’s latest film out of the water. Kurt Russell is Sheriff Hunt. He and his elderly deputy (Richard Jenkins), a greasy gunslinger (Matthew Fox), and one man with a broken [possibly gangrenous] leg (Patrick Wilson) go on a rescue mission to save the cripple’s wife (Lili Simmons) from a mysterious tribe of albino cannibal troglodytes. Valley of the Gwangi was cowboys versus dinosaurs. Now we got cowboys versus cave-people. And for however schlocky the synopsis may sound, this is a genuinely good movie. It is sensitive and earthy. More drama than gore-fest (though, there’s a bit of that too). It’s a well-written surprise whose humor and heart make it more than just that movie with the cannibal troglodytes in the wild west. And can we just give all of the acting awards to Richard Jenkins for his performance already? The man is glorious. Also features Sid Haig, David Arquette, Evan Jonigkeit, James Tolkan, and Sean Young.

Caitlyn who?

How does a kinetic comedy-drama about a jealousy & meth-fueled transgender sex-worker on Christmas Eve in Hollywood filmed entirely on iPhone 5s sound? The very first scene of Sean Baker’s Tangerine (2015) sets up everything you need to know: Sin-Dee Rella (Kitana Kiki Rodriguez) just got out of prison and just found out her pimp and boyfriend, Chester (James Ransone), has been cheating on her with a cisgender chick (Mickey O’Hagan). In addition we have the subplots of Sin-Dee’s best friend (also trans, also a sex worker), Alexandra (Mya Taylor), quiet ambitions of being a singer and an Armenian cab driver (Karren Karagulian) trying to avoid his family on Christmas Eve to find Alexandra. The whole chaotic pot comes to a boil and we, the audience, are there for the show. Maybe you don’t feel like you relate to any of these characters. Perhaps it all sounds too much like an episode of Cops. Or maybe you don’t mind walking a mile in someone else’s shoes and observing their lives and their dreams and their problems. These characters are not the typical archetypes of American cinema. It may take a moment to step into their world and get used to the frenetic tempo and saturated colors, but perhaps you shall be rewarded.

Welcome to Wakaliwood.

Nabwana I.G.G. has been making insane, low-budget action movies in the slums of Uganda for years. I was introduced to his work via Alan Ssali Hofmanis, an American who moved to Uganda and dedicated his life to helping Nabwana complete more films. Who Killed Captain Alex? (2010), on all accounts, could not be a good movie. But it is. The plot is all but incomprehensible and the effects and props are fakey-fake. But this was made in the slums. For nothing. And a mad, anarchic joy permeates every moment of this glorious, cacophonous proceedings. Unlike The Room, which I love because it is terrible, I love Captain Alex because it was so alien and new and wonderful. By way of the Voice Joker (gleeful narrator who vaguely helps tell the story between wisecracks), we are given a glimpse into life in the slums and, more tellingly, their interpretation of American action cinema, the genre they were first introduced to and the one they choose to troll. They are having fun. Infectious fun. I can’t guarantee that you will like it as much as I did. But after hearing the history of slum cinema from Alan and viewing this feature on the big screen at midnight I only know one thing: I can’t wait to see Nabwana’s next film in which I may have a brief cameo getting my own head blown up by the Ebola Hunter. Call me crazy, this was my favorite movie-going experience in awhile.

That’s my list. Disagree? What did you see?

The Last Few Movies I Saw: Episode XVII – Wrapping Up 2015

 As always, I rank the films on no concrete scale or rubric. Just what I thought of them. The further down the list, the more I liked it. It’s not science.

Although, it must be said, I did not dislike any of the films this time. Even the lowest ones on the list might be worth checking out and I’m glad I watched them.

Meh/Misguided:

“What was that? You backwards troglodyte, you. Have some wine.”

The Last Supper (1995), directed by Stacey Title, has a good premise, but quickly proves it’s not as clever as it thinks it is. A group of pretentious college liberals decide to poison conservative idiots over dinner and bury them in the backyard. It’s quirky. It’s dark. But it’s a little too smug for its own good. It presents simplistic caricatures of right wing beliefs (some of which are genuinely held by a frightening portion of the population, but they are played so ham-fistedly it fails to register as meaningful) and pretty much zero attempt at presenting a left wing perspective (apart from murderous hatred toward their ideological adversaries). Bill Paxton (Twister) and Ron Perlman (Hellboy) make memorable appearances, but it is probably Courtney B. Vance (The Hunt for Red October) who steals most of the show with his cold, calculating performance as the group’s ringleader. Also stars Cameron Diaz (Charlie’s Angels).

Not exactly Don Bluth.

What do you get if you cross The Secret of NIMH (1982) with Watership Down (1978) and try to tell a gritty noir with cats? You get the bizarre German cartoon Felidae (1994). While I don’t count this as a good film, I can give it some points for trying something offbeat and I did want to know where the story was going. My beef: you can be an adult animation without being so forced and unnatural about it. The unintentionally awkward cursing and gory violence is so over the top at times that it feels more like South Park than Chinatown. The serial murder mystery itself is a bit of a letdown and our protagonist, Francis, is so feckless and flat that it barely registers when he’s fleeing danger or having casual sex with feral felines. It doesn’t work, but as a curiosity, it’s not a total waste of time and the animation isn’t bad.

Stop it and make “Hellboy 3.”

Guillermo del Toro’s Crimson Peak (2015) looks gorgeous and was eagerly anticipated by me, but something was missing. In its earnest attempt to pay homage to classic haunted house films like The Haunting (1963) and The Innocents (1961), it just comes off as a bad aping of those superior films. I was also reminded of Hitchcock’s Rebecca (1940) and the wild color palette was reminiscent of the exaggerated Italian horror flicks of Mario Bava (Black Sabbath) and Dario Argento (Suspiria). Hearkening back to such classic ghost-mansion cinema can be a good thing…as long as it improves upon or diverts from them in some innovative way. I still love del Toro and I love the sumptuousness of the costumes and sets and the dense atmosphere, but a romantic horror tale that lacks both decent romance and horror counts as a bit of a misfire for me. Pan’s Labyrinth, Cronos, and The Devil’s Backbone are all marvelous examples of the slowburn terrors that lurk in the Mexican auteur’s wheelhouse. Maybe my problem is I watch so many films that they have to work extra hard to titillate me.

Interestinger:

As a kid I remember reading in an old Guinness Book about Hoffman portraying the widest age range ever in this film. I wonder if anybody has it beat yet.

Arthur Penn (Bonnie and Clyde) directed the strange revisionist western Little Big Man (1970) starring Dustin Hoffman (Marathon Man). The film—told in flashback—may be one of the earlier examples of cinema being sympathetic to the Native Americans, portraying them as victims of a truly horrific genocide and the white Americans as the evil, arrogant savages stealing lands without mercy or feeling. It’s quite episodic and perhaps a little too cartoonish for the seriousness of the subject matter, but it’s odd quirkiness makes it at least a watchably uneven history lesson. I enjoyed Hoffman and Faye Dunaway (Network), but ultimately the portrayals of the Native tribes and the American generals were so comic-booky and naive, it took away from what could have been a very impactful film.

“I need you to scream directly into my soul.”

Toby Jones (The Mist) stars as an English sound engineer working on Italian horror flicks in Peter Strickland’s Berberian Sound Studio (2012). It’s a slow, seemingly plotless movie that lingers on one timid sound man’s gradual descent into a subtle madness. It takes its time and you may want it to do more or go deeper, but I was engaged enough with the character that I didn’t mind not knowing where it was going…or if it would go anywhere at all.

“I do Wes Anderson and movies like this now. Murray Christmas, folks.”

Gosh, is it that time in Bill Murray’s career already? I love Bill Murray and nearly all Bill Murray movies and, while I can’t say the same for Theodore Melfi’s St. Vincent (2014), I won’t say it’s not passably amusing. Murray plays a crotchety old war vet who reluctantly befriends a precocious young boy (Jaeden Lieberher) in this schmaltzy dramedy that seems intent on hitting many of the predictable indie beats. Despite it’s familiar formula and a few questionable accents (my brain knows Murray too well to accept the NYC brogue he dons), the charm of the cast (including Melissa McCarthy and Naomi Watts) makes you forgive a multitude of contrivances.

Where Are We Now?:

Dumb luck.

In the spirit of Forrest Gump (heck, Little Big Man too), a lovable but somewhat simple old man recounts his wild history-romping life with peaceful detachment in Felix Herngren’s The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared (2013). Allen Karlsson (Robert Gustafsson) decides to escape the nursing home and embarks on a lackadaisical adventure  full of stolen money, gangsters, car chases, new friends, and at least one elephant. Throughout the modern day shenanigans, Allen tells of his life as a haphazardly globe-trotting self-taught demolitions expert devoid of political affiliations (he’s on every side of history from revolutionaries to Franco to Stalin to Truman). It’s a light-hearted comedy with a refreshingly pensive pulse.

You know Francis Ford Coppola, right? His daughter directed “A Very Murray Christmas” on Netflix. …and yeah, he did “The Godfather.”

Francis Ford Coppola (Apocalypse Now) directs Gene Hackman (The French Connection) as a surveillance expert whose own past and the potential futures of those he spies upon addle him in The Conversation (1974). This is one of those gritty 70s movies your film professor talked about and I’m only just now getting to it. It’s a gradual descent into paranoia and ethical dilemmas. Also features John Cazale (Dog Day Afternoon).

Prepare to be alienated.

Gregg Turkington stars as a burnt-out comedian (in the spirit of his Neil Hamburger character) hitting gig after depressing gig in the Mojave desert in Rick Alverson’s Entertainment (2015). The characters are unpleasant and dim and thoroughly exhausted. The film itself feels Lynchian in its elliptical oddness. The weird insights we get into these unlikable people and their circumstances speaks more to our own human interactions than our demand to be entertained by a clown.

Getting Higher:

Yes, one of his friends is Zero from “The Grand Budapest Hotel.”

Rick Famuyiwa’s coming-of-age tale of three high school kids from Inglewood who wind up with a bag full of unwanted drugs is a colorful breeze. Dope (2015) hits a lot of familiar genre marks, but, like St. Vincent, gets by on its style, wit, and charisma of its lead (played by Shameik Moore). It may not be the most original story, but its attitude covers a lot.

The main villain is a lactose-intolerant transvestite obsessed with increasing his social status by way of genocide. We haven’t seen that before.

Coraline (2009) and ParaNorman (2012) were marvelous stop-motion fantasies with edge and flair to spare. Laika Studios’ The Boxtrolls (2014) is another cinematic gift brimming with imagination and style. A young boy, raised by the hunted subterranean creatures, must rediscover who he is and unite the warring civilizations. An amazing voice cast (Sir Ben Kingsley, Jared Harris, Richard Ayoade, Nick Frost, and more) and spectacularly realized hand-crafted visuals make this family adventure a memorable treat.

The kid is annoying in this movie…but I think that’s part of the point.

 “If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look, you can’t get rid of The Babadook (2014)”, an Australian horror flick directed by Jennifer Kent. When a strange picture book appears on her son’s shelf, a widowed mother (Essie Davis) unwittingly unleashes a most unnerving evil presence that latches onto them. What follows is a gripping examination of the negative powers of grief and loss. The Babadook is far more insidious than a mere supernatural monster. And that is one of the reasons this chiller lingers in the memory.

Visions:

I know. I know. I’m late to the game. I still think I love “Bronson” more.

I finally watched Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive (2011). Ryan Gosling (Blue Valentine) stars as a stoic mechanic and getaway driver who becomes increasingly entangled with criminals after he helps out his next door neighbor (Carey Mulligan). Like all Refn work, it’s languid and stylish and brooding and violent and absolutely hypnotic. Also stars Ron Perlman, Oscar Isaac, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, and Christina Hendricks.

Get a good look. This is what socialism looks like.

 Jules Dassin’s Rififi (1955) is a masterful example of heist cinema. It has all the ingredients that would eventually become the staple of the genre and, for an early outing, it hits the marks extremely well. The setup and ensuing heist is fantastic, but as things turn sour in the aftermath of the crime, blood is let and it all culminates into a magnificent, heart-pounding final act.

Why don’t we dress like this?

For people who like the 80s and like awkward indie flicks and like hilariously over-the-top gore, Turbo Kid (2015), directed by François Simard, Anouk Whissell and Yoann-Karl Whissell, is a blast and a half. In a post-apocalyptic 1997, Mad Max-ian marauders on bicycles rule the wastelands. Where Kung Fury (2015) ran out of steam minutes into its short runtime, Turbo Kid maintains a straight face and continues to present absurd visions of violence, wild characters, and wacky dialogue delivered in earnest with unyielding confidece. It looks great and the cast does a fine job with the bonkers material. Laurence Laboeuf in particular shines as the unflappably weird Apple.

“Fan Service: The Motion Picture”

I took the Kool-aid. J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015) is a great big-budget science-fantasy speeder chase down Nostalgia Lane. There’s plenty stupid to the plot, but the cast shines (Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver, Lupita Nyong’o, Harrison Ford) and the special effects scintillate. It’s amazing how much more immersive and tangible models, puppets, animatronics, real locations, and constructed sets are. And humor. And engaging characters. And emotional depth. And recognizable stakes clearly established in each lightsaber and spaceship altercation. While it’s an extremely busy story and it does retread a lot of the original film’s plot points, it also just feels good to be back in the Star Wars universe. This is the movie fans have been waiting for since 1983.

The Final Crest:

Maybe don’t bring the kids to this one.

Folks who love fairy tales that don’t shy away from the darkness will undoubtedly enjoy the sumptuous Tale of Tales (2015), directed by Matteo Garrone. A series of haunting medieval yarns overlap in this anthology of old Italian fables by Giambattista Basile. Stylish and sexy but also savage and grotesque, it’s an uncompromisingly adult trek through fairy tale kingdoms that comes highly recommended. Features Salma Hayek, Toby Jones, John C. Reilly, and Vincent Cassel. Weird and beautiful.

“Nobody respects Santa Claus anymore.”

It may be hard to explain why I liked Miguel Llansó Crumbs (2015) so much. In a post-apocalyptic Ethiopia, a hunchbacked scavenger named Candy (Daniel Tadesse) embarks on a private adventure to request Santa Claus (Tsegaye Abegaz) to allow him to reclaim his Kryptonian throne and board a perpetually hovering spaceship with his woman. It’s slow and surreal and might best be described as Turbo Kid as imagined by Werner Herzog. It may not be for everyone, but it has enough innovative and clever details to entertain an odd person like me.

“I killed Mufasa. His vagina was all wrong.”

For some reason, this weird film has not left me. David Cronenberg (Videodrome) directs Jeremy Irons (Lolita) as a pair of identical twin gynecologists in this enigmatic thriller, Dead Ringers (1988). When they split sexual duties with a famous client (Geneviève Bujold) it opens up the doors of insecurity in both of them. When she discovers the trick they’ve been playing on her and ends it, the brothers begin a spiraling journey into obsession, addiction, and a longing to understand the nature of their individual identities. It’s a disturbing slow-burn, but worth it if you get Cronenberg and you want to see one of Irons’ best performances.

Whatever. Any recommendations for me?

Satellite of the Simians 3: Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil’s pawn.

Et tu, Brute?

It is fascinating to watch the goals and underlying social themes shift in the Planet of the Apes series. I’ll come out and say it. I love the series. The original Planet of the Apes from 1968 starring Charlton Heston is one of my favorite movies. Definitely one of my favorites from the sixties. I just got out of a showing of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014), the latest incarnation and direct sequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011). Without hesitation, Dawn is the new second best Planet of the Apes movie.

For starters, I should begin by mentioning that I saw it in Korea and, while the dialogue was in English, whenever the apes were signing things the subtitles were all in Korean. At first I was concerned I might be missing crucial plot points, but kudos to the amazing effects team at WETA and the motion-capture performers for making silent ape dialogue wholly understandable. I feel bad for the 5 year old Korean girl who sat next to me and buried her terrified face in her hands for the film’s duration.

Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit!

Our story begins where Rise left off. The intellectually enhanced and organized ape revolutionaries had escaped into the forests beyond the Golden Gate Bridge. An infected pilot, unwittingly carrying a deadly virus developed in a lab, embarked on a tragic journey that would effectively spread the disease to every corner of the world, wiping out a majority of Earth’s human population and all semblance of order and civilization. Now, several years later, the humans live in a tribal post-apocalyptic nightmare and are quickly running out of power and means to utilize their limited resources. Meanwhile, ape society is flourishing in the wilds and a developing culture is forming strong social bonds. Caesar is the leader of the apes.

Well, I’d be crapping myself.

The troubles in this movie begin when humans stumble into ape territory in search of a lost dam that might help restore power to their ailing ruins of society. A shot is fired and a chimpanzee is hit. Caesar, rather than having his mighty army make short work of the lost search party, shows mercy and banishes them. This introduces the conflict that is firmly seated at this movie’s core: trust and tribal bonds. Caesar has a clear duty to protect his people (and he, and the rest of the chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans harbor an understandable fear and hatred of humans—*see previous film) and the humans have a clear duty to themselves to protect their own and get the power back to avoid more violent anarchy. Communication proves difficult for no matter how well-intentioned some peace-seeking individuals on either side of the table are, it only takes a few reckless or wicked individuals to keep tensions high and trust destroyed.

The movie is intelligently written, well acted, and like the previous film features some top-notch computer special effects and spectacular action scenes. I really liked Rupert Wyatt’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but in all honesty Matt Reeves’ Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is easily the superior film. Rise was great, but I had a few problems with it (mainly archetypal cartoony human characters like the evil money-loving bureaucrat, the benevolent scientist, the ape racist who works with apes, the girl, etc.). Thankfully, most of the problems are corrected in Dawn. The strongest chapter of Rise was the ape sanctuary scenes where Caesar, an intellectually superior animal, has to learn real ape society rules and rise to power to become their leader. With almost no dialogue or humans, the film soars to fascinating heights and keeps the tension building in these impressively animated sequences. Dawn plays like an extension of those scenes and centers around the apes cultivating their own society, while the human subplot focuses on mankind desperately trying not to slip back to the dark ages.

And then all the dogs and cats in the hotel sing “If I Had Words” to the tune of Camille Saint-Saëns’ Symphony No.3 in C minor.

Rise, perhaps, put a little too much into the fun fan-service of referencing the 1968 classic. Without knowing what the signed ape dialogue was specifically, I don’t think I saw much evidence of this in this new film. The only reference might be the music which did remind me strongly of the original in places. Dawn still has a weaker human storyline, but their role is vital for the story. Dawn is about establishing peace and trust in a volatile situation. Mankind itself is not the enemy. There are a few cartoonishly dickish humans who muck up the works more than a few times, but they are symbols of the fear and closed-mindedness that is also present in the ape society. Koba, a chimpanzee (or bonobo, who knows?), is the real villainous foil. His fear, anger, and hatred—regardless of how personally justified or rooted in past experiences—stands for the fear, hatred, and self-interest that blocks cultural progress everywhere.

While we’re on the subject, Dracula vs. Planet of the Apes? Eh?

Questions:

1. Where did the apes get the horses?

2. What are the ape sentiments toward monkeys and tarsiers? Slow lorises?

3. Why no gibbons? Gibbons are apes.

4. Not a question, but we were so close to seeing a bear fight a gorilla in the first 10 minutes! So close! And they blew it by having it fight some chimps.

5. Why aren’t there more orangutans? I love orangutans.

6. Why is it apes versus humans? Humans are technically apes too. The title “Planet of the Apes” is actually not that descriptive. We currently live in the “Planet of the Apes.”

Raging chimpanzee firing two machine guns while riding a horse. If that doesn’t make you want to see this nothing will.

I said at the beginning that what I find interesting is how the same series can change its tone and message with the shifting of the cultural tides yet still operate under the same basic rules. The original Planet of the Apes from 1968 was about dogmatism versus science and the possibilities of the collapse of human society and the possible future of ape evolution. Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970) was about making more money. That’s about it. A little bit concerning the dangers of nuclear weapons at the end. Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971) dealt with how we react to outsiders and how we defend our own self interest at the expense of outsiders (because they be different!). Conquest of the Planet of the Apes(1972) was about racism and revolution. Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973) was about making money again, but also about how some of the best social rules must sometimes be compromised or broken to keep the peace (hit on again in Dawn—one very appropriate nod the earlier movies). The Tim Burton one (2001) was about “remember these movies?” Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) shifted tone to be about scientific ethics and perhaps ecology, especially in how we treat animals. It asked questions like: Is it okay to treat animals the way we do simply because we don’t perceive them to be on our intellectual level? Are we really the most important species? Could another surpass us? Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) focuses much of its energy on the tenuous nature of diplomacy in hostile territory where emotions run high. It basically states that emotion should not rule the roost when it comes to maintaining peace—and that this message rings strongly for both sides. In a sense, Dawn is a critique on the hazards of nationalism and isolationism and how it only takes a few extremists to characterize and demonize an entire social group. It is easy to see how a simple tit for tat exchange can escalate quickly to tragic ends. This is something we witness throughout history and today in human geopolitics and conflicts.

Moral of the story: peace is hard and destruction is easy.

Peace: difficult but not impossible.

All in all Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is probably one of the more socially significant blockbusters out there at the moment. It suffers from some less interesting human characters (minus Gary Oldman who manages to be more than the archetype you might expect from the trailers). The effects are mesmerizing to watch and the fight sequences are high octane, high emotion thrill-scapes. If you enjoyed anything about the earlier films this is a welcome treat with a bigger brain than most of the series and what appears to be a genuinely prescient conscience concerning escalating real-world geopolitical tensions. I recommend it.

Seriously. Where are the damn gibbons?

Picture references:

http://www.truemovie.com/2014moviedata/DawnofthePlanetoftheApes.htm

http://blogs.indiewire.com/boxofficeinsider/cool-trailers-part-2-robert-downey-jrs-the-judge-kevin-harts-the-wedding-ringer-and-the-final-dawn-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-trailer-20140623

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/movies/final-dawn-planet-apes-trailer-premieres-article-1.1836336

http://herocomplex.latimes.com/books/firestorm-dawn-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-prequel-novel/#/0

 

Around the World in 80 Days: Is it Really the Worst Best Picture?

Premise: In 1976 Rocky won the Academy Award for Best Picture. It beat Taxi Driver, All the President’s Men, Bound for Glory, and Network. While most of us love Rocky, we do feel like there were definitely some better movies nominated that year that maybe deserved it more. Rocky was the safe pick.

Pakula? Scorsese? Ashby? Lumet? Who are they? I’m Sly!

Sometimes it’s a tough call. My Fair Lady beat Mary Poppins, Becket, Zorba the Greek, and Dr. Strangelove in 1964. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest beat Jaws, Dog Day Afternoon, Nashville, and Barry Lyndon in 1975. Those years were anyone’s game.

On rare occasions I all-encompassingly agree with the Academy’s decision (e.g. On the Waterfront was an obvious win). Sometimes a winner is reviled or labeled “overrated” by folks were preferred other nominees (e.g. Crash, Rocky, etc.). Rarer still is the occasion when I must defend a snubbed winner.

I know exactly why Around the World in 80 Days (1956) is considered one of the worst Best Picture winners, but I am here to defend it. I’m in an awkward place because this is actually one of my favorite movies. . . but did it deserve the Oscar? Let’s take a look at the successes and shortcomings of Michael Todd’s Around the World in 80 Days.

*slurrrrp*

Perspective: 80 Days beat out Friendly Persuasion (Gary Cooper is a conflicted Quaker), Giant (James Dean finds oil), The King and I (Rodgers and Hammerstein ensure happy and balanced America-Thai relations FOREVER!…it’s actually still banned there, I think), and The Ten Commandments (Cecil B. DeMille makes the religious epic to end all religious epics).

Around the World in 80 Days was a bold widescreen period epic that employed nearly 70,000 extras and nearly 8,000 animals and required moving crews of thousands to relocate equipment and people to thirteen different countries. In addition to the wild costumes, exotic locations, and incredible set-pieces; countless Hollywood hotshots were given cameo bit parts throughout the film. Some movie star extras include Buster Keaton, Frank Sinatra, Robert Morley, Evelyn Keyes, Marlene Dietrich, John Carradine, Noel Coward, Joe E. Brown, Trevor Howard, Sir John Gielgud, George Raft, Cesar Romero, Peter Lorre, Ronald Colman, Sir Cedric Hardwicke, Jose Greco, Hermoine Gingold, Charles Boyer, Red Skelton, John Mills, Andy Devine, Jack Oakie, and more.

“Sgt. Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known.”

Full Disclosure: Friendly Persuasion is good, but High Noon was the Gary Cooper film that should have won something. I actually haven’t seen Giant (yet), but I’m not a big Elizabeth Taylor fan and wonder if it really could be better than East of Eden for Dean flicks (my favorite). The King and I is a lavish, vibrant, and somewhat racist pageant show that boasts a few great songs and a lot of tedious bits. We can’t be too down on The King and I for racial mischaracterization because 80 Days is actually guilty of the same (and in way more countries). Finally, The Ten Commandments is an incredible visual feast with another epic cast list, and while I still do love a lot of the biblical melodrama and the impressive score, this film sometimes does feel too long (still maybe better paced than Ben-Hur though…but Ben-Hur is probably the better film).

+5 points for penny-farthing.

I’ve heard it said that Around the World in 80 Days is proof you can buy an Oscar—due to its high production costs and lavish flourishes. But come on! The King and I and The Ten Commandments might be even more lavish and even flourishier. The only real difference here is that Around the World in 80 Days seems less pretentious.

I’m also somewhat biased because I do like travelogue adventures, Jules Verne, and levity.

The Skinny: Following a long prologue about the possibilities of technology and the influence of prophetic science-fiction writers on scientific progress, presented by Edward R. Murrow who shows us Georges Melies’ 1902 A Trip to the Moon. . . our story finally begins.

There’s a Visine for that.

Phileas Fogg (David Niven) is an exceedingly punctual and fastidious 19th century British gentleman. On a whim over a game of whist he decides to prove to his aristocratic colleagues that he can successfully circumnavigate the earth in 80 days. The wager is set.

Fogg takes his amorous new servant, Passepartout (Cantinflas, the Mexican Charlie Chaplin), along for the ride.

Detective Fix (Robert Newton), a Scotland Yard agent under the suspicion that Fogg has robbed the Bank of England, pursues.

Despite the demands of the trek, Fogg and Passpartout manage to find the time to rescue an Indian princess (Shirley MacLaine) too.

Modes of transportation include trains, ships, coaches, hot air balloons, horses, ostriches, elephants, and more.

Lands traversed include England, France, Spain, India, China, Japan, the United States, and then some.

What do you mean matte paintings would be cheaper than all this travel?

The Good: The cast and characters themselves are great. So Shirley MacLaine isn’t exactly Indian, but Cantinflas certainly isn’t French (as he is described in the book). Niven is the perfect Fogg and Cantinflas is one of the most fun movie sidekicks of all time as Passepartout.

The film boasts some snappy dialogue, riddled with wit and smarm (one of the screenwriters was American humorist S. J. Perleman). There is an abundance of clever lines and welcome character moments. The script never let’s us forget the stakes or to remind us that it’s all for fun.

So British it hurts.

The scenery is great and the film makes wonderful use of the widescreen photography. Remember, in 1956 most people hadn’t really seen much of the rest of the world. This was their chance to get the Disney-fied Haliburton experience from the comfort of a theater seat.

The film has a loose buoyancy to it and never loses its spirit of fun and adventure—even when the ubiquitous threat of immolation at the hands of politcally incorrect uncouthed savages looms large. There is a pleasing and self-depricating sense of patriotism for both Brits and Yanks alike. That it can manage to be both cavalier and suspenseful at the same time is something of a noteworthy feat as well.

This is a great album.

The score is fantastic. Composer Victor Young creates wonderful atmosphere and momentum. There are several very memorable themes. Each country and character gets special musical treatment. Seriously, find the soundtrack and listen to it. It is sublime.

The great intro credits artist, Saul Bass, also provides a very fun cartoon at the end. . . that summarizes the entire three hour film in about seven minutes.

Saul Bass is amazing.

The Bad: The production itself is a staggering achievement and that this ambitious globe-trotting feature is not a mess are positives, however, there are some problems. The movie, perhaps by design, is structured in a fairly episodic manner (there are a lot of isolated mini-adventures throughout, but that seems unavoidable in a story like this. Heck, the original Jules Verne novel is crazy episodic).

Cantinflas, Niven, Newton, and MacLaine wait for a train.

The film’s camera direction is actually stultifyingly unimaginative. Very basic shots. Establishing shots and two shots and wide shots. That’s about it. Nothing particularly inspired in the cinematography department, but it could be argued that the content being filmed was so impressively orchestrated that it needed no distracting angles or frills.

183 minutes is a long commitment and you notice more when scenes linger at that length. Most of the movie clips along nicely and there are very few boring scenes. The flight over France, the flamenco dance and bullfights in Spain, and the train ride through the Indian jungle, however, as great as they are, do feel like they go on a tad too long. Perhaps they were just so taken with what they were filming they couldn’t bring themselves to cut it.

Sir Topham Hatt blew his whistle, but Percy kept on chugging, defiant to the end.

Some of the cultural representations might feel a little insensitive today. The angry mob that chases Passepartout after he shoos a cow in India; the bloodthirsty Native Americans attacking the train; German actor Peter Lorre being Japanese (a reference to his Mr. Moto days).

The ending is really perplexing. It’s funny, I guess, but even as a kid it felt tonally wrong. The last thirty seconds of this three hour movie are just so bafflingly off that if it wasn’t for the Saul Bass cartoon that immediately followed I reckon even more people would dislike this movie. You can’t invest three hours into something that is going to be written off so flippantly and strangely in the homestretch. It’s a decent joke, but it just comes at the wrong time.

The Leftovers: The novelty of seeing all those old Hollywood celebrities comprise the background atmosphere may have lost some its luster over time as many of the then-famous faces are now unknown to many today.

The suspenseful journey across the Atlantic is one of my favorite sequences in the movie.

It’s not a great anthropological exploration of the many cultures around the world, but it’s not really trying to be (more a series of snapshots). With regards to its hasty and generalizing representations it can be likened to the It’s a Small World ride at Diseneyland. Oversimplified, but, in the words of Douglas Adams, mostly harmless.

So what is it? It’s an adventure movie, a road movie, a comedy, a joking prod at British classism, a wild western movie, a suspense movie, and tack on a somewhat limited romance as well.

Ultimately: I suspect people think that Giant or The Ten Commandments should have won. I suspect they feel that Around the World in 80 Days was too light and fun to be important and too sweeping and grandiose while failing to be more artistic. I suspect they feel it was gimmicky and perhaps kitsch. Too broadly painted to be taken seriously.

New plan: the team from Guns of Navarone will free the Prisoner of Zenda.

Honestly, Around the World in 80 Days is not a perfect movie. It has its flaws, but for me it still is a great feel-good crowd-pleaser. When I was a little kid borrowing this from my local library I had no idea it was such a hotly contested Oscar winner. I didn’t even know what the Oscars were or that it had won. Perhaps I am too nostalgic for it, but I think you’d have to have a heart of stone to hate this movie.

Maybe The Ten Commandments should have won. I don’t know. It’s not like the Oscars actually have any bearing over how good or bad a film really is. The Court Jester, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Godzilla, King of the Monsters! weren’t even nominated that year (because comedy, science fiction, and atomic parables with giant lizards are not high art).

Thus saith the Lord.

There have been plenty of wins, and even nominations, I didn’t particularly care for. There have also been plenty of movies I thought were great that never even got nominated. Does the say-so of “The Academy” really matter? Maybe not. So for all those haters out there who like to downplay Around the World in 80 Days, let me just remind you: get over it.

And while I still think Network and the other 1976 nominees were better than Rocky I don’t begrudge Rocky. Good for Rocky. But I have my alternative preferences.

picture references:

http://wall.alphacoders.com/by_sub_category.php?id=172040

http://floobynooby.blogspot.kr/2012/04/saul-bass-1920-1996.html

http://tehparadox.com/forum/f89/around-world-80-days-1956-a-5139594/

http://thebestpictureproject.wordpress.com/tag/red-sea/

http://silentlondon.co.uk/2011/05/23/a-trip-to-the-moon-and-silent-animated-shorts-at-the-barbican-26-june-2011/

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1435873280/tt0048960?ref_=ttmd_md_nxt

http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2013/02/worst-movies-that-won-oscars/around-the-world-in-80-days

Originally published for “The Alternative Chronicle” on May 20, 2014.

Beyond Bat Country: Madness in Every Direction

Remember Gore Verbinksi’s kiddie western, Rango (2011)? Did it remind you of anything? The parched, empty Mojave Desert, the alarmingly bright and out-of-place Hawaiian shirt, and then the words “starring Johnny Depp.” Clearly we were reliving one of the classic drug trips…but where was the TarGard Permanent Filter System cigarette holder, green translucent visor, and hallucinatory manta rays?

“We can’t stop here. This is bat country.”

The sixties are dead and the seventies don’t look like they’ll be near as much fun, echoes the wistful message of cult favorite Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998). Terry Gilliam (one of my personal favorite directors) might have been the ideal choice to film this unfilmable story by Hunter S. Thompson (one of my personal favorite writers). If you haven’t read the book (first published in novel form in 1972), correct this immediately, but if you have read it you would know just how impossible it seems to put on film. Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream is a fractured quasi-autobiographical account of a drug-addled excursion to casino central. It is also a lament for the loss of the innocence and purity of the sixties counterculture while simultaneously an ironic discovery of how perverted and hollow the American Dream had become. There are isolated events and meandering amusing tales woven throughout the story, but nothing really strikes one as being particularly cinematic. The only real feature uniting the book’s passages are the two main characters—Raoul Duke (aka Thompson) and his attorney Dr. Gonzo (aka Oscar Acosta).

Ralph Steadman

That the movie works at all is an incredible accomplishment. The ink smeared intro evokes the instantly recognizable illustrative work of frequent Thompson collaborator Ralph Steadman. Johnny Depp delivers a manic, cartoonish performance that might just be his most enjoyable to watch. His portrayal of Thompson is a hilarious caricature of the real person. Benicio Del Toro also gives a very dynamic and twisted performance as the unsavory, unpredictable “Samoan” attorney. Nicola Pecorini’s constantly tilting camera-work and wild color and light shifts also feeds the delirious experience very well. The classic song choices are perfectly placed too. The production does a marvelous job of recreating the demented, gaudy aura of a 1971 Las Vegas. Director Terry Gilliam’s bold visual style (from Time Bandits to Twelve Monkeys) made him an excellent choice to capture Thompson’s energy and anarchy.

“Let’s get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?”

All of these things are fine inclusions to a strange project, but perhaps the most important element is that virtually every line of dialogue is ripped directly from Thompson’s typewriter. One thing that sometimes bothers me is that film adaptations of books I love often fail to capture the voice of the source material. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas uses the original words the whole way, which was the best choice because what makes Hunter S. Thompson so great is not always what he is writing about, but how he describes things. In adapting the language of the original Gonzo journalist, one has to use the words.

the reptile zoo

Directors like Martin Scorsese (Taxi Driver) and Oliver Stone (Nixon) said it couldn’t be done. And after seeing Gilliam’s take, some critics said it had remained undone. It may be a semi-lucid muddle, but I’d still call it a triumph. The film feels like a wild drug trip, complete with its highs and lows, but always anchored by the perceptive and dogged mumblings of our Virgil-like guide in the form of Thompson’s words ejaculating from Depp’s mouth. Fear and Loathing succeeds in being a cinematic representation of a grouping of abstract ideas. It’s a story that probes the mind rather than pluck the heartstrings. These guys are too concerned with making it out of this withering, neon-lit trap alive to share a fount of human emotion. They take note of their surroundings; imagine them to be altered; forget their surroundings; abuse their surroundings; navigate impossible obstacles and impositions all in the name of journalism; and then take note again.

“So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high water mark — that place where the wave finally broke, and rolled back.”

Is the movie about drug use? Many of its followers would say yes, but it is so much more than that. To me it is about writing and about somehow counting one’s losses and recovering. It is about how you cannot go back to the same place twice and expect it to be unchanged. If the film seems like a wreck, just remember that one of the themes is salvaging the pieces. There be much fear and loathing in this litany of a lost ideal.

Apart from all the Thompson documentaries, there were a few other cinematic incarnations. Johnny Depp played Thompson again in 2011 in The Rum Diary and before that Bill Murray played Thompson in Where the Buffalo Roam (1980).

The Rum Diary

Whitnail and I director Bruce Robinson’s Rum Diary movie suffers from being a little boring in comparison with Gilliam’s insanity, but it’s not that bad actually. I’d say it was unfairly maligned. It’s a gentle examination of early Thompson and a decent adaptation of the source material. I actually defend The Rum Diary. It never really finds a proper momentum and it’s not the tropical booze-binge the marketing insinuated, but it has great atmosphere and some fun characters. Michael Rispoli, Giovanni Ribisi, and Richard Jenkins give memorable performances as well. As an American expat living abroad myself, I find myself strangely drawn to the characters’ plights of living from delayed paycheck to delayed paycheck at a failing business in a foreign land…and the looming threat of American industrial encroachment peaking over the horizon. It’s no Fear and Loathing, but it’s not trying to be.

Where the Buffalo Roam

Art Linson’s Where the Buffalo Roam suffers too from being a little tepid and unfocused. Buffalo Roam is kinda like Occupy Wallstreet, you can tell it feels strongly about something but you’re not quite sure how it plans to achieve anything or where it’s ultimately heading…maybe that’s the perfect Thompson movie then? That being said, it’s not a total waste as there are some moments of snarky wit and Bill Murray actually gives a pretty solid performance as Thompson. Peter Boyle is also pretty good as Dr. Gonzo.

Perhaps it makes no sense to harp on a film that has become a thriving cult classic. Perhaps Rango did not intend to pay homage either…but wait! Who’s that CG gentleman in the speeding red shark? Why, I do declare! Hunter S. Thompson has a cameo in Rango. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a writer’s paradise and the movie (and Ed Wood) are the main reasons I still pay attention to Johnny Depp. Fans of Thompson shouldn’t be disappointed, and newcomers might be turned off, but them’s the chances ya take with a strong literary voice.

Buy the ticket. Take the ride.

Top 10 Reasons to See Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

1. It contains what I hesitate-not to dub Johnny Depp’s best performance.

2. The incessant drug use is the perfect excuse for Gilliam to go crazy.

3. Gary Busey, Christina Ricci, Harry Dean Stanton, Tobey Maguire, Cameron Diaz, Mark Harmon, Verne Troyer, Ellen Barkin, Michael Jeter, Katherine Helmond, Penn Gillette, Christopher Meloni, and even Hunter S. Thompson himself have cameos. What fun.

4. Is it better than the book? Not a chance, but I’d rank it alongside Watership Down (1978) and The Three Musketeers/The Four Musketeers (1973-1974) and a bunch of other great and worthy literary adaptations.

5. In keeping all the dialogue the same it basically functions as an audio book, but with Gilliam pictures!

6. You wanna get anxious? This film will make ya anxious. It’s got some scenes that’ll make ya anxious.

7. It manages to find somberness and sobriety amidst its hallucinatory mayhem.

8. Despite some grotesqueries it maintains a constant absurd sense of humor.

9. It’s a great gateway drug into the worlds of both Terry Gilliam and Hunter S. Thompson.

10. You will understand why The Rum Diary (2011) could never live up to it.

Originally published for “The Alternative Chronicle” March 11, 2011

A Very Bradbury October

Now I know most people don’t equate the Walt Disney studios with classic Halloween fun, but when Ray Bradbury and an evil carnival of damned souls are involved then it might just be the case that Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983). Boy, that was a stretch. My pick for this week is the underrated, and oft times overlooked, piece of rare live-action Disney entertainment from the early 80s. Directed by Jack Clayton (The Innocents) and based on the novel by science fiction author Ray Bradbury (who also wrote the screenplay), Something Wicked This Way Comes is not exactly a classic, but sometimes the smaller films deserve a second chance to shine.

Halloween weather is a-comin’.

The film has all the rustic feel of a brisk autumn day during the early 1900s in a sleepy American town tucked away from civilization and ensconced in trees turning red and orange. I swear you can almost smell the pumpkins and feel the leaves crunching beneath your shoes.

The story begins when an old lightning rod salesman comes to town. Young Will Halloway (Vidal Peterson) recounts the coming-of-age tale to the audience. Will’s best friend, Jim Nightshade (Shawn Carson), is always eager for exploring danger, but Will is the more cautious type (like his father). Will’s father, Charles Halloway (Jason Robards), is the town’s old librarian and at times feels overwhelming regret and even feels he is too old for his beloved son. It is the relationship between Will and his father that really make this movie something special.

It’s coming.

One day a mysterious carnival arrives in town: Dark’s Pandemonium Carnival. The tall, enigmatic, and poised Mr. Dark (Jonathan Pryce) is the leader of the carnival and seems to grant the fondest wishes of all who are tempted by either his rides or his minions.

I want to see this parade crash into the Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings.

When people start disappearing, Will and Jim venture out to sneak a peek under the carnival tents, choosing to investigate the matter under cover of darkness. After witnessing a sinister magic carousel, the duo discovers some clues as to the fate of the lost townsfolk. Soon the two intrepid boys find themselves fleeing from the forces of evil in the form of Mr. Dark, the Dust Witch (Pam Grier), green clouds, and even a terrifying tarantula attack. Mr. Dark feels the boys know too much and will stop at nothing to catch them. Soon the boys have only one place to turn to: Will’s father. Charles Halloway may be old, but he is still a good father and will stand up to the forces of evil for his son. Maybe you don’t have to be an action hero if you have a pure heart.

Have you seen either of these tattoos?

This children’s horror flick is a treat for all ages. At a time when movies like Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits (1981) and Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal (1982) were already setting the standard for darker family fair, Disney ended up giving Bradbury much more control over the final product for Something Wicked This Way Comes. The film didn’t do well in its initial release and although not spectacular, it has wonderful atmosphere and some genuine scares and plenty of peril, but beneath all the spookiness, wonderful set design, and magical special effects there beats a real heart and soul.

Don’t get ahead of me.

Jason Robards (Once Upon a Time in the West, All The President’s Men, A Boy and His Dog, Magnolia) is pitch perfect as the aging father who aches with the sores of old age and the sorrows of all the things he didn’t do in life. Jonathan Pryce (Brazil, Evita, The Brothers Grimm, The Pirates of the Caribbean) is quite good as the chilling form of evil incarnate who gladly sets the price of people’s dreams. The kids are well cast too and Pam Grier (Coffy, Foxy Brown, Jackie Brown) looks great as the phantasmic stately grim specter. The scenes in which Jason Robards stands his ground against the devilish Jonathan Pryce are fantastic and the finale is very satisfying too.

Merry-go-round time machine.

This gently pleasing family horror fantasy film is the perfect Halloween afternoon treat. I recommend it.

Originally published for “The Alternative Chronicle” Oct. 5, 2009